Jamie Hubley (15) killed himself last Friday, in large part due to homophobic bullying he faced consistently at his school in Ottawa.
Please take some time to read the following articles printed in the Ottawa Citizen:
15-year-old Jamie Hubley’s lonely cry for acceptance
Hubley family statement: ‘Bullying was definitely a factor’
And also a letter written by Ian Capstick in today’s issue:
And if you really want to get personal, read Jamie’s blog, especially his heart-breaking final entry.
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My friend Nadine wrote a blog post recently about how adults have a tendency to make the world more complicated than necessary for their children. She touches on the new proposed sexual education system that some people fear will corrupt their children, expose them to the world too soon. In my opinion, it’s never too early to touch on some of the basics, and it’s never too late to start.
So here’s my statement: Addressing homophobia is not a radical-political act. Not anymore.
If a child asks ‘can two men get married?’, don’t be afraid to say yes. If a teenager says ‘that’s so gay’, don’t be afraid to call them out on it. If an adult makes derogatory remarks about queer culture, claiming that its mere existence ‘corrupts’ and ‘destroys’ families, give them a piece of your mind. It’s that simple.
And I don’t care to what religion you belong, and I don’t care how you were brought up. You never know who might be listening, and it might make a huge difference to someone.
Jamie Hubley lived in the toxic environment that thrives not only on outright cruelity, but the complicit silence of well-meaning people who ignore homosexuality and other forms of gender diversity.
This is what happens when we don’t speak to our kids. This is what happens when we don’t answer their questions, when we tell ourselves that these issues are too complicated/difficult/advanced for younger children to understand. As though there’s some inherent danger in being gay.
I imagine what Jamie Hubley’s parents might be feeling and it shatters my heart.
I cry for Jamie Hubley. I believe everything he expressed in his final blog post was sincere. I believe his agony was real. He couldn’t wait for his life to get better.
He shouldn’t have had to wait.
He was a person. I didn’t know him, but I didn’t have to. We as parents shouldn be less afraid of “confusing” our children and more afraid the circumstances that could make their lives unbearable after only fifteen years.
It will get better…if we make it better.
Thank you, Nadine. You are 100% right.
My mum read my post just now, and responded thusly:
“You would have loved the conversation around the table of my sewing club yesterday afternoon. One little girl said to another that she loved her and she wanted to marry her. The other little girl said okay. Then a third girl said you two can’t marry because you are both girls. And then the one who said okay said yes we can, girls can marry girls. I just sat back and listened. I don’t think it is necessary for me to comment unless an argument ensues and then I would back up the girls who want to marry!”
That made me pretty happy. And it illustrates quite nicely that children (these young ladies are 6, by the way) are very intelligent and are often capable of sorting things out themselves. What they don’t need is negative or misleading adult intervention.
Here’s my two cents:
What needs to happen is that ALL parents and teachers actively work to stop bullying when they see it. I have seen and experienced bullying in schools and the “adults” turned a blind eye or were the perpetrators! Awful!
In terms of GLBT community, I really hope that there comes a day in the near future where it’s not even a slight issue at all! Where someone’s orientation isn’t questioned or persecuted at all at schools, work, etc. One can hope anyways..
Agreed. Orientation should be a non-issue. And I would love for us not to have to define ourselves that way, unless we want to.